Oh, hey all! It has been a while since I last wrote a post but I miss it as my creative outlet so today is the day! I have lots to share and I have been trying to figure out how and what I want to say so here goes…..
First, it has been a great summer and oh ya we did get married in May! It was small & wonderful and a “perfect” day as one can imagine, of course, there was a catch. I truly wasn’t feeling great for months leading up to it and got sick the week before coughing my head off, lacking sleep etc. But I trucked on through and we had a magical day filled with smiles and tears as I teary eyed & choked through the “repeat after me” part. Tim, Max and I are an official family now and if you have been following me from the beginning you know what the past 7 years has held for me so let us all give a collective “ahhhh”, shall we? 😉
Here are 2 of my favorite pics from the day (photo cred KATHRYN D STUDIOS)
So fast forward through a leisurely park going and bike riding summer with Max and finally feeling better after I got a few issues taken care of. I am now no longer personal training but rather decided it was best for me to focus on myself and my family. I was stressing too much with my own balance and well-being. I needed to take a break and get re-focused. I know that some of you never struggle with weight or body image issues but for the ones that do it can take over your life and I want to help change that.
If you have noticed I have been sharing articles about the dangers and the pressures that come with being so focused on eating clean and scheduling your entire life around and feeling guilty and unworthy regarding working out. I was doing and feeling a lot of these things. Every day, I wasn’t good enough. Not worthy of even being a personal trainer or giving advice. I was obsessed with thinking the world would only accept a thin size 4 version of me and the truth is I didn’t want to maintain that nor should I have to in order to feel accepted. See the problem there? The point is I had to step away from it to create my own beauty, my own balance so that I can be a good advice giver and my own version of healthy for my own sake. Not selfish by the way. (That was just a note to me)
What I have learned through letting go of these ideas are that I can weigh any number on the scale. I can wear any size in my pants. I can have some or not that much muscle definition. None of it matters if I am not being my best self. What I discovered more than ever is I am my best, most confident, happiest self when I am drinking a beer with Tim, having pizza with Max, working out because I want to not because I have to. Cooking food that isn’t “bad” or “good” for me. Eating because that is what humans do to survive, they eat. What makes people feel good is when they move their body. Heavy, light, fast, slow, run, walk….It doesn’t matter. It will not make you better than anyone else. If you go for a walk or a run and you don’t track it on your Nike app did it really ever even happen? The answer is yes, it did.
I want to keep sharing recipes and motivation because these are my hobbies and nothing more. I recently said I was on an 8-week mission to do 4 workouts a week. That is loosely structured. I am not writing down what I did. I am simply writing DONE in my planner to show myself that I am sticking to a goal. Goals are ok. Frantic obsessions aren’t healthy habits. That is not me stepping back into my old ways. Trust me, I checked myself on that one. The only way for me to feel continuously good in spirit is to move my body. So it is more of a kickstart into regaining those habits so that I can FEEL my best. It does not determine how I will look. I will move my body and I will eat food. That is how much I am simplifying this.
I am working from home now so it is sometimes hard to find the motivation and some days I find it much easier to drink 2 cups of coffee & watch Live with Kelly and her co-host of the day. Generally, though that just doesn’t work for me. The lack of movement catches up to me and eventually my body always finds a way and finds the motivation. I am mostly focused on short 15 to 20 min workouts including warm up and cool down stretches. I am doing intense boxing workouts now with walks throughout the week. It’s working! I am able to manage and balance all aspects of my life. That is where the pot of gold is. I have found the balance. I am having fun. I don’t think I am fat (even though I weigh more than I have in a long time) and I don’t obsess over what I am eating. The stars have aligned. I am strong and not worried about that #. I am stronger than what anyone else’s idea of beautiful is.
I know a lot of you struggle to find the time, the motivation and the balance so my advice to you is to just let it all go for just a little and really think about your thoughts that you are having about yourself. Are you eating kale and going for runs to punish yourself because you think all your problems will go away if you do? The truth is we can do a lot more damage than good when we do things the extreme way. I am just urging you to be a little more gentle on yourself. Strive for love and balance and I bet you will also see the light just like I did.
I hope you find this helpful! I look forward to posting more often and connecting with you all again!
All my best, Adrienne