Anxiety ruled my life…but not anymore

I have been kind of quiet over here because I have been doing a lot of work on myself. Not my body but rather my mind. I’m celebrating two months sober from anxiety. Anxiety- is an incredibly powerful thing, more than I ever knew. I finally took steps to get help with it and I never imagined a life like this was possible. The life I’m having right now. Meditation & medication is the formula that works for me. It took me forever to figure this out but I am beyond excited that I finally did. This is a huge deal for me. The calming of my mind is greater than any bikini body or any size 2 or 4 I ever was. You guys, I was drowning in anxiety. It was spinning around in my head every minute of every day. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I experienced life the opposite way. I write this so that you too may ask for help if you feel the same way that I felt. I felt this way for years and it kept getting worse. I never wanted to admit that I may need an anti-depressant. I am astonished by the trickle-down effect anxiety can cause. I can see it so clearly now that I have it under control. All the times I let anxiety rule me…too many to count or recall.

That term, depressed, never felt like it fit me. Depression though is a result of anxiety and I knew I had bad anxiety. Self-diagnosed but I was sure of it. I didn’t realize there was a drug that could help my anxiety because I refused to acknowledge that I was depressed and never considered taking a drug for it. I thought I could calm my mind with healthy food and exercise and it worked sometimes but after having the baby, the shift was too great. I could not handle this on my own anymore. I needed help.  Had I known it would have worked this well I would have gotten on something sooner for sure! The stigma around mental health is that of mind over matter or just be happy and grateful for what you have and you will be fine. But it is just not the case. Something was going on chemically in my brain. Guess what? There is a pill for that and it is totally working for me. I am not ashamed. I am honest and feel great for being so.

depression

Do you have these thoughts: What’s wrong with me? What’s going to happen next? Why is this happening this way? I can’t manage. I can’t handle this. I feel overwhelmed. It’s all my fault. I can’t do anything right. Everything seems off, wrong, not quite right. These among other thoughts were on constant rotation in my brain before I had Charlotte but about 3 months after having her they went into high gear. I couldn’t escape them. I was exhausted- not from having a new baby but rather from having a battle in my own head every second of every day. My anxiety was taking over and I was crying, I was feeling defeated in every way. I just didn’t feel right. Was it postpartum? Was it hormonal and it would eventually go away? Maybe but I tried to think of how I felt prior to having her and I always came to the same conclusion. I just have never felt RIGHT.

I was foggy, moody, defeated, unmotivated, full of worry and confusion. Things would get better but they were never ok. I never felt ok. Finally, when school was ending I knew I couldn’t have a summer feeling like this. I wanted desperately to feel better. I had a particularly emotional and high stress few days which led me to call my OB and ask for help. I also talked to a few friends who have friends that take something or do themselves and that really drove me to realize that I may just be one of those people that need this. I was ready for help. I was scared. But I knew I needed it. They saw me the next day. I went into that appointment with the baby and spilled my guts to the Dr. I didn’t cry. I was just COMPLETELY HONEST with her and it was refreshing. I told her the warmer weather, the smoothies, the walks, the meditation, the positive vibes, the prayers…just wasn’t cutting it. I still feel like chaos rules my life and nothing is ever ok or ever going to be. I needed more help and I was ready to try an anti-depressant. I am so thankful that my OB was able to prescribe this for me and I didn’t have to wait months to get in with a different type of doctor. Help was literally one phone call away. I had no idea…..

It took so many guts to admit that I might be a depressed person but I had hit beyond rock bottom and it was the only choice left. You wouldn’t think that about me if you met me because this was something I battled inside. That is a huge part of this that not everyone can relate to or understand. I was good at hiding it maybe but inside it was destroying me. I refused to see myself that way because I have EVERYTHING I have ever wanted and more. My life is a cakewalk compared to others. I quit my part-time job at the end of May to try to ease the stress of everything. The sheer weight of my own thoughts racing in my head was enough to cripple me. Then throw in the baby and the rest of actual life and I was a mess. A hot, hot mess. I was scared and wanted to run away, I was not good enough, I was a bad mom. Every bad thought you can have about yourself I was having. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was ready to admit there must be something that could help me fill the worrisome feelings I was having all day every day.

depression and anxiety quotes Example depression and anxiety quotes my art journal pinterest anxiety

The Doctor put me on a very low dose of Zoloft and I was eager to see if this would work for me. I was desperate for it to work for me. I read the side effects and cried hard that night and hesitated even going through with taking it. What if this made everything worse? What if this didn’t work for me? I was doomed. I was losing it and I needed this to work and not make me feel more “crazy” or make me sick. I wanted it all. I wanted the thoughts to stop in my head and I wanted to experience and enjoy my kids, family & myself. I wanted to enjoy my life!

I took that first pill and I almost instantly felt better. I couldn’t believe it. The doom and the gloom weren’t there. I could breathe again and have clear balanced thoughts for the first time ever it felt like. I felt a huge weight lift off me. That weight was my destructive thoughts. They were gone. I had the exact same life and circumstances. Everything was the same but my mind became calm and I was able to handle things. Charlotte cried & I smiled. Max was rambunctious and asking me for a million things and I handled it. I felt safe and right. I felt more confident and self-assured. My self-esteem is at an all-time high because my anxiety is at an all-time low. I felt all of the things I had been trying to feel for so long. From a little green pill. A pill that was filling an imbalance in my brain. Adding to my brain what was missing. It was amazing! I was able to have a good time. I was present. I wasn’t worried quite frankly about anything. I sort of felt numb at first but in a good way. It felt like a much-needed break.

The first week was rough-we were on vacation and the pill was making me sick but I knew that could happen for the first week or two so I stuck it out. I wanted this to work for me. I wanted a life filled with gratitude and happiness. The fact was, I was happy. I was filled with blessings and I knew it but those feelings were getting buried by the anxiety I was experiencing every day. I then began to fear the what if I feel too numb. What if I stop caring about things and this works too much the opposite way for me. That would not be good either. I am happy to report that after just two weeks of taking it the sick feeling stopped and the numbness/robotic feeling went away. I was turning into me. The best version of me. As the weeks went on it just kept getting better and more balanced. My thoughts about myself and life are good and happy now. I handle life even though it isn’t perfect or easy. I see the joy in it and look forward to each new day. I am more motivated and active. I have even lost weight.

anxiety 2

I am so thankful that I was brave enough to try the Zoloft. I share this with you in hope that this can help even just one of you if you need it. I hope my honesty will encourage you to seek more help if the “natural” ways of coping with anxiety and depression are not working for you. I want this feeling for you all too. Anxiety and depression have a terrible stigma but the more open we are to talking about it the more we can normalize it.

I would love to hear from you if this something you want to talk about. Wishing you all the best life has to offer….drug or no drugs. I celebrate this drug and the fact that it is helping me. I am not ashamed and I hope you aren’t either.
Image may contain: 2 people, including Adrienne Lefcakis Carey, people smiling, child, eyeglasses and outdoorImage may contain: 1 person, smiling, closeup

Charlotte is almost 9 months old and doing great! Happy baby, happy mom, happy boy, happy husband, happy life! Happy for me is the opposite of anxiety. It used to rule me but not anymore.

xo, Adrienne

 

 

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Blessed

Feeling quite blessed over here nowadays. I’m having a baby! 19 weeks tomorrow and I wanted to write about this experience on my blog since I have shared so much other personal life experiences on here. It is time for my pregnancy blog. The baby has gone from a tiny poppy seed  to now the size of a mango, or a zesty zucchini or a throwback to the size of Nintendo game boy (says a nifty chart I found on Pinterest). So about 6 inches long and growing rapidly, constantly doubling in size! It’s truly a miracle what happens inside a woman’s body when they are pregnant. I realize it more and more with this pregnancy than I ever did with Max. My first pregnancy was basically 9 years ago. I was 28 when pregnant with him. I am 37 now. I feel in most ways younger and healthier than I did then. I wasn’t a very good eater or exerciser back then. I have had my moments, trust me, tired, emotional & moody but overall I feel great. I’m not scared and I am certainly not worried about all of those tiny details you do with your first. I am not even nervous about birth. Those are the things that are different. I am much more aware now that I have been through it I know it will just unfold and it will happen as God intends it to. And it will be completely amazing in every way.

pregnant 1

I am so glad that I found meditation right around the time I got pregnant actually. Just a few weeks before getting pregnant is when I started and I swear it helped me relax and get pregnant. It helped me through that 1st trimester when you are constantly worrying that the pregnancy will hold on and get through. In times of Max not sleeping through the night (not being able to figure out why and wanting to help him) when I desperately needed to sleep because I was so tired in early pregnancy. Not being able to go back with him for an x-ray or an MRI for his leg (once we figured out why) because of scans like that & babies in the belly don’t mix. Of course, all of this unfolding while I was still “secretly pregnant”. The point of this is that it helped me separate from Max and let him do these things on his own. Which is huge for us. I tend to baby him, hold on tight for dear life because I only see him 50% of the time. But this baby coming and him being older is all going to aid in me trusting him & letting go just a little. Funny how the timing of things unfold when you believe, like I do, in signs that the universe sends you exactly what you need when you need it. Maybe I need an 8-year difference in my kids? I don’t know but that is what is happening because that is how my life is unfolding and I trust that it’s just right. Perfect timing for me and my family.

I mean this kid is the definition of pure happiness. I learn so much from him! Sure, he gets sad or bothered from time to time but he is human. It’s part of the human experience to feel. Full leg cast in June-summertime-and he handled it amazingly. It has been such a joy to watch him react to me being pregnant. Shock and denial at first to naming the baby and putting his head to my belly and saying he can hear him or her in there and he can’t wait to teach the baby to be “awesome and handsome” just like him. It’s really that simple.

Max cast

Recently, my anxiety was at an all time high and I finally just broke. I was taking everything so seriously. Everything was so important to me. The smallest and the biggest things. I realized that I couldn’t keep going like this if I was going to be a great mom and wife. My blood pressure was rising. Things were happening around me that were out of my control and I wanted to control them so badly. I finally gave myself permission to stop caring essentially. It was a total relief and I can’t even explain how much of a weight has lifted. Trust me, I still care a lot about all of the things but at the rate I was going it was only leading to total devastation and I knew deep down I didn’t want that. So, one day, I told myself enough. And that was that. When other people tell you to relax and tell you don’t sweat the small stuff (*my mom since I was probably 16*) it’s just not the same. You have to hit the bottom and realize yourself how much useless pain and unhappiness you are causing yourself. Give it up. Come to the other side. It’s so chill here & everything is still okay.

I have been able to really let go of a lot of expectations and ideas on what life should be during these past 4 or 5 months. Going to therapy since November, not really regularly, but just once or twice a month has helped. I have learned so many things from Dr. E and have really been able to settle a lot of turmoil within myself as a result. So much of life is uncontrollable. Not just mine. Everyone has similar issues, worse issues. It’s how you deal daily that is going to make or break you for the amazing life that you deserve. That you deserved from the second you were born. All of us. All of us are so worthy from day one. Know that.

Deserve-what a word. I spent so much time thinking I didn’t deserve this baby. That I couldn’t or shouldn’t. My life is too messed up. How will I explain to this child that their brother isn’t here half the time? Explain to Max that this child gets to stay but he doesn’t. That their brother has a different dad. I just couldn’t even go there. I didn’t deserve it. I would only put pain and hardship on yet another human. I was unraveling and it wasn’t pretty. But then I realized that was all total BS (with the help of meditation & my therapist, family and friends). What matters to kids and to adults is happiness. Nothing else, not their so-called circumstances. Can you give them food, shelter and most of all LOVE? Then check mark, if this is something you want then you should do it. The rest truly doesn’t matter. It is not good or bad. It is nothing actually. Expectations are happiness killers and I no longer think that way. It was killing me. I finally got the courage to decide with Tim that this was something we really wanted so we started trying. When I took the test and saw the word “pregnant” all of those thoughts went away. I knew it was okay and it was going to be okay forever. We are about to bring more LOVE into this world and that cannot possibly be bad for anyone. Everything has felt aligned since then. The more I believe it the more it is true.

baby c 1st ultrasound

Baby C is coming and this is going to be an awesome new chapter for all of us and we are so excited! I am present. I am here living and enjoying this. I am not worried about the past or the future and it feels really good. Now, is the baby a boy or is the baby a girl? We will find out this Sunday with some surprise cupcakes with my parents. I am team healthy baby all the way but my intuition tells me there is a classic romantic boho chic, food & wellness loving little girl in there planning her outfits already 😉

xoxo,

Adrienne

 

10 Daily Defenses to Live Balanced

Before I started committing to meditating and to myself truly I realized that I would try but I didn’t have a true defense or a plan on how to achieve balance. I didn’t have the daily ways set up to make sure I would be okay.

Here are some of the things that I have been doing daily to ensure that I can combat the blues, the worry, the things in life that might stop me in my tracks from living a full & happy life:

  1. Stop & breathe purposefully throughout the day & especially in stressful situations
  2. Reading self-help books or books that help enlighten your mind or just for fun (less TV more reading)
  3. Meditate-2 times a day for 5 to 10 minutes each which helps you connect with yourself and feel peaceful and grateful
  4. Routine Sleep-8 hours from around the same time each night (11pm to 7am for me) and always think good thoughts before falling asleep so they can marinade in your sub-conscious all night
  5. Nutrition-smoothie with flaxseeds and smart choices with some fun indulgences (don’t stress out about and control strictly what you are eating)
  6. Movement of any kind for 20 min a day
  7. Connect with friends and family-talk on the phone or visit
  8. Sunshine-get outdoors if you can at least once a day even if the sun isn’t brightly shining
  9. Surround yourself with fresh flowers, plants or visual inspiration around the house or your workspace
  10. Cooking/baking or doing something creative that you like to do even just for a few minutes a day

I don’t do all of these every single day but I do most of them. They help keep me balanced. That is all I have been striving for, BALANCE. I am still working on it and always will be but now that I have a plan and some easy daily defenses to practice I am further along than ever before.

I hope some of these ideas help you to live a balanced life too! Come up with your own plan or build off of mine. Point is, have a plan and start practicing it!

xo,

Adrienne

thouhgtsrealdestiny

20/20/20 Movement & Meditation Challenge

You-are-enough

challenge

As many of you know I have started meditating and it is 100% changing my life! I thought it would be fun to do a little challenge involving moving our bodies and connecting with our minds. I know right away you are thinking you can’t meditate because that is literally what everyone says about it that hasn’t done it. I thought the same darn thing which is why it took me so long to finally try it. I am so glad that I did! I have without fail done some sort of meditation 1, 2 or 3 times a day since Feb 23rd of this year. I know that is less than a month but the fact that I have done it every single day says something.

It says that it works. That it is powerful and I am not having to force myself to do it. I want to do it because it is helping me feel so amazing and to feel connected! When have you ever heard someone say, “oh, I can’t believe I have to go meditate tonight”…..um never. So, trust me I really think you will benefit if you try this little 20-day challenge with me with movement & meditation together. Let’s start on Monday, March 20th, next week. I think this is going to work because of the 20/20 guideline. I will do the literal 20/20 split but if you are brand new to meditating then you can split it into a 5 min meditation in the morning, 30 minutes of movement at some point and finish with 5 more minutes of meditation at bedtime. Or try a 20 min walk, 10 minutes with weights and a 10-minute meditation. You get the point, break it up however you need to. Then as you get more comfortable with meditation you can do less movement and more meditation until you reach the balanced 20/20 split. Maybe by the end of the 20 days, you will feel comfortable spending 20 minutes connecting with your core being. That is my hope for all of you!

I have been so into meditating that I am not moving as much so this will work both ways. I will try to move more while you guys try something new in the meditating. Today I think I did a total of 40 or more minutes of meditating at two different times. This works and is basically a free miracle waiting for you to tap into. All you need to be happy is already inside of you. You just have to spend a little time devoted to accessing it. Everyone can benefit from meditating! All you have to do is stop and connect with yourself each & every day. You are so worth that and so much more! I have learned so much about myself, why I act a certain way in a particular situation, what triggers me, my relationship with my body and with food has changed. My self-esteem is up, I don’t fear or worry about certain things that I used to, I think more positively in general and most importantly I am able to let go of what doesn’t serve me. I am grateful for what my life looks like & how it got here. Thoughts can pass through me instead of taking up camp and staying inside of me, making feel and act certain ways. My boat cannot be rocked like it used to. Meditation gives you the strength to handle life like the rockstar that you really are!

I know on my facebook page I have been really enthusiastic about it so I shared a bunch of links to guided meditations that you can click on from there but I will list some here also. That is also the key to this. Beginners can really get started with this concept by listening to guided meditations. You lay down or sit with your eyes closed and listen to them guide you. You can do that! I promise!

Here are some links: This is Bex-she is one of my favorites to listen to

 

There are thousands of these on YouTube….you can search for what you need to focus on or just pick one randomly. It will be amazing!

I know we are all holding onto a lot that we don’t need to. I was especially. So much that wasn’t serving me, so much weighing me down mentally. I’ve decided that I am done with that. I feel so much better. So much more aware of what actually matters. I had tried to decide that in the past but I had no power, no defense to help me actually do it. That is what meditation is doing for me. It’s like I am wearing a coat of armor and nothing can shake me. I can outLove any of it. Problems will still come and go and still be there but you will be your own hero in every story.

I hope you will try this challenge because I see how powerful this is and would love if we as people struggled less and were able to love more. It starts with ourselves.

I will post a lot on facebook about the challenge included meditations and workouts so if you don’t follow me there consider doing that. You do not have to follow me, though, you can simply take this idea and make it and do it on your own privately. I cannot imagine a day without meditation in my life going forward. That is how strong this is. The real you is waiting! I know it!

xo, Adrienne

joycropped-live-a-little-more

 

4 months until Married!

exactly

Wedding plans are set and in 4 months we will get married! I am writing this post to tell you exactly what I am going to do to get ready for this wedding! I know what you are thinking or what you may have done in the past….cardio for hours, fasted, cleansed, juiced, boot camped….drove yourself nuts trying to change magically into someone that you really aren’t! That is the opposite of what I want to do. All I want to do is marry Tim and feel great that day AND MORE IMPORTANTLY…for the rest of our lives together! So why would I punish myself for weeks or months leading up to it and then immediately go back to who I was when he actually asked me to marry him?

I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANY OF THAT!!!

What I am going to do is:

1.Love myself as is (see picture above) in all ways! Self care being the focus here….to help this along I am going to ensure I get enough sleep. Turn off the TV, the phone etc. Sleep is so important for your body to recover! It’s winter so it’s the perfect time to hibernate anyway!

2. Keep challenging my body by working out mindfully-increasing weight/variety of movements and spiking my heart rate with fat burning intervals. 3 to 4 times a week for 20 to 45 min each time. My goal (because goals are good) is to work on my push ups-doing them daily or every other day to build up the number I can do in a row.

3. Keep eating mindfully-planning meals ahead of time 80% of the time so that I don’t skip meals or make non-nutritious choices. My goal here is to drink less alcohol because I know for a fact that alcohol kills your ability to keep muscle and I want as much muscle tone as possible.

Here are some ideas I came up with that are almost too easy not to do weekly: And you don’t have to do them on Sundays. You can do them whenever it works for you. On the spot-but make sure you have the ingredients, Every few days even…there are no rules!

Okay, one rule-eat balanced:protein (tuna, chicken, turkey), carbs (potatoes, rice, oats) and good fats (nuts, oils, avocados) and lots of veggies and fruits and water EVERYDAY 🙂

easy make aheadstuna salad

 

This is a tuna salad I made today because I was starving and needed something quick!

One 5 oz can tuna

2 heaping tbsp plain Greek Yogurt

Some dried cranberries, sliced almonds, diced apples, lemon juice, salt & pepper and some dried parsley

Great choices can be made even on the spot if you stock up on the good stuff!

So, Who is with me? Who wants to “get ready to get married” with me??

XO, A

You-are-enough

Super Inspired 2016

Oh man! I am rocking it out in 2016 so far! I know it’s only the 12th but I already feel like I have come a long way since last year! Last year was a crazy year for me, such highs and such lows and I experienced them all off of the pill which-wow-I had no idea what that would be like. Let me explain….I stopped the birth control pill towards the end of 2014 and immediately I felt like my head was more clear but as you know I instantly gained 13 lbs in that first month. I was shocked and then sad and started to panic almost every single darn day. Why did this happen, what am I doing wrong to cause this? Was it the fact that my hormones were changing because I was approaching 35? Did I have two too many IPA’s with Tim-you can’t blame others 😉 Why do I feel gross? Why am I even a personal trainer when all of 2015 I kept gaining weight rapidly….what business do I even have doing this when my body is completely out of control!

All year I went wallowing/beating myself up and and trying to figure out what was wrong with me. For an entire year-wasted time-wasted happiness-wasted interactions with loved ones. And being off the pill I experienced every move my body was going through ALL month long-it was freeing and also awful almost every single day. The symptoms you hear about are real and I had them ALL! I had been on the pill for so long I had no idea what it actually was fully like to experience ALL OF THAT. The reason I went off it truly was because I was being exposed to so many articles telling me that I “shouldn’t be on it”. What I have come to realize because my gut was literally telling me, was that my body needed those hormones, my body really really needed those pills and there is nothing wrong with that! THAT IS WHAT WORKS BEST FOR ME. I am glad I stopped it because I learned so many lessons from it. Everything is an experience with lessons attached to it.

right places

Which brings me to my next lesson-ah, so many lessons last year…..YOU MUST DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU. Social media has exposed us to so much “should and shouldn’t” that it makes me want to just go into hiding. Should I brush my teeth with coconut oil? Should I say “I love you” to my son more or less than 5 times a  day? Should I eat bread? Ohhh myyyy goshhhh!! Make it stop! Here is what I learned: No I shouldn’t use coconut oil in MY mouth because it actually causes a rash on MY face and I should say I love you so many times to Max because it makes him feel loved and YES, 100% yes I SHOULD EAT BREAD!! Gah.

unicorn

 

Next lesson: WHEN I HELP PEOPLE I ALSO HELP MYSELF. So far this year I have 3 steady in home clients and have written 3 at home workout plans for 3 different people. I also help people in group fitness class get stronger, healthier and happier if only for 45 min 2 times a week. But guess what? All of that actually helps me stay focused and want to get better and do better. So please, I urge you to find your passion and help others-it’s a win/win!

joy

My 2016 Motto: BE ENJOYABLE-life is short and a lot can happen in a short time. You must be able to find joy and then actually be enjoyable!! Life is too short! My brother was here and then like that he is up in Heaven (cheering on the Steelers right now for sure!). I didn’t get to say good bye or I love you no matter crazy you drive me because just like that it was his time to go. BUT I am not one to live with regrets. So I keep moving forward! This year I will marry by best friend (for real, he is) and I will cherish every moment I have with my son. Remembering always that life is too short to spend half of it worrying about how I don’t have him half of the time. 2015 was just too much and I am still possessing it-so many good and unexpected things happened! Max got a surprise baby brother, we went to Disney, Max started 1st grade, I got a new car, heck I even got my first iPhone, I went on a crazy 3 state trip and got engaged to Tim! Sometimes I think if I blink I will just wake up and it will have been a dream. It all happened so fast and I promise to not take it for granted. The holidays came and then they went and what I am left with is 2016, NOW,  a year to be super inspired and another chance to be awesome!

perfect moment

 

I am back on the pill and already I feel tremendously better in just one week. It may not be the actually pill itself but the idea that I paid attention to MY body and did what was best for ME. I am in control. I love the start of a new year and all that comes with it. I do not feel the absolute need to change. I feel the complete want to change and just BE ENJOYABLE. I have learned so many valuable lessons in the past few years because I became aware and sought out those messages and lessons. I am an Aries and by nature I love ideas/taking chances-some are good and some are bad but one thing is for sure I was born to create and that is what I will keep doing for myself and for others. I am naturally curious and full of all kinds of wonderment and I hope I can share a little bit of that with you! My blog is simply about my ideas and a way for me to share them with you. I am not here to tell YOU what you should and shouldn’t do. I have knowledge and a healthy perspective into the fitness world. I have found a way to balance this thing we call life and that is what I want to share with you. I am always learning and always changing and that my friends is a very good thing! I hope the same for all of you reading this!

Cheers to this year, this day and this moment!

xoxo

Adrienne

 

 

 

 

Project: Admire & Inspire

love notes

Hello all! I am excited about this post! 

I want us all to love one another, especially us ladies! I am challenging you to pick 5 awesome women in your life and show them some admiration and hopefully inspire them to think more of themselves! I want you to flatter them and tell them just what it is that makes them special to you and the rest of the world. Tell them what you admire about them! Lift them up. 

We are all special and we all have something to offer. Some women have helped us personally just by being themselves without even realizing it. Tell them that! There are many ladies in my life looking back whose traits I have admired but in some cases were jealous of. Jealousy is not going to get us their lives. Being jealous is not who we were meant to be. We should be celebrating each other and looking within at ourselves and our own sparkle. 

You cannot create a life based off of wishing you had someone else’s. You have to create your own unique path and life story. Pick ladies that you know may need to hear it and also pick some who you think don’t. You never know who is struggling with self-esteem.

My hope with this is that:

——–>it forces you not to compare your body or life to another woman’s

——–>to celebrate each other and our awesome personalities and beauty

———>to make someone’s day who wasn’t expecting to hear such kind words about themselves

jealousy joy

I hope you enjoy this and have fun! Remember complimenting and giving to others is only going to make you feel better too! 

xoxo, 

Adrienne

The 12th

The 12th of the month is when my brother died. The 12th of the month was when my phone rang at 7 am and immediately I knew something was wrong. It was my dad on the other end and it was bad.

That was in April and now it is almost September. It has been almost 5 months. What I want to do (because I don’t want this post to be about the details, sadness and feelings) is remember my brother Tony and challenge myself on or around the 12th of the month by running/walking 12 miles in memory of my brother or in symbolism-whatever you want to call that.

I feel like I will always feel this feeling on the 12th of every single month. I hope it fades and gets easier but for now I want to do this one thing that will push me and give me something to focus on that will make me stronger in mind, body and spirit.

I really appreciate my body and I want to do as much as I can to take care of it and all I really want for others is just that. I want people, my family, friends, strangers….to just take care of themselves and their bodies. To use their bodies for good so that their bodies can treat them good back.

This is my goal at least for the next 3 months on the 12th:

September/October/November 2015

To honor and remember my brother by focusing on my body and pushing it further than usual. I will run/walk 12 miles on the 12th. There will be no medals and probably no one cheering me on but I will prevail mentally and prove to myself once again that I am strong.

I went for a run this morning-5 miles and have done a few 2 to 3 miles a couple of times a week for the past month. I feel confident that I can do it but it will be challenging.

Some of my thoughts while I ran today were:

We must honor our bodies

We must do the hard things

We must not waste the life we are given

We must tell our loved ones we love them and not judge them because before you know it they can be gone.

live a little more pain run

My younger brother Alex is dedicating all of his lifts to our brother and I am running on the 12th of the month for our brother. Neither of these things will bring him back but it will keep pushing us further individually mentally & physically.

I hope this inspires you to maybe honor and respect your bodies a little bit more, to push yourself a little bit more, to live a little bit more.

xoxoxo

Adrienne

My body is changing! What I’ve learned in the past 6 months and 13 pounds.

i love my body now

Hello all! This post is about what my body has been experiencing the past 6 months. I am about to turn 35 in the middle of this month and about 6 months ago I noticed some huge changes occurring. In one month from Sept to Oct, I gained 13 pounds. I don’t know why. Was it because I stopped taking the birth control pill after so many years (since age 15 or 16), because I stopped running as much, because my 34 yr old hormones were changing, because I was drinking too many IPA beers? What was it exactly? Was it my thyroid? Was it the fact that I started staying home more with my son because he starting 1/2 day kindergarten and my schedule changed?

I wanted to write this because I know it will help a lot of you that might be going through the same thing. After being frustrated and not feeling well at all about myself and after the holidays passed and the new year started I wanted to really sit down and figure this out so that I could “fix” it and get back to my regular awesome self! Well, Jan and Feb passed and I still had those pounds and still felt sick and not well, not motivated even though I was still working out. I was meal planning and prepping and following all of the rules and I still had those pounds and was getting bloated like crazy. Was it my period regulating itself during life after the pill? Was it what I was eating or how I was exercising? I was eating ALL of the healthy foods, like all of them! Spinach, kale, sweet potatoes, turkey, eggs, almonds, fruits and no bagels, no white pasta or bread, minimal processed foods, some treats and some alcohol. So what was the issue?? WHY did I just gain 13 pounds out of nowhere in one month?? (not over 6 months-all of them in one month)

I was BODY SHAMING like crazy, feeling fat, feeling ugly, obsessing over what I was eating and making sure it was enough and “healthy”…..I was driving myself CRAZY!!! In Feb I met with a friend and she told me about this book called the Plan and I took it home and read it over. I started making some changes. It called for a cleanse of 3 days and then an experimental 20 or so days where you eat clean but you introduce foods to see if your body reacts to them. I didn’t follow these steps exactly I just adapted some of her ideas and suggestions. The book is all about just that-finding out what “healthy” foods are your “healthy or clean” foods. So just because we hear that kale and ground turkey, etc is healthy doesn’t mean your body agrees with them. She makes you feel that red wine and dark chocolate are good for you so you don’t have the guilt when eating or drinking those things. Foods can inflame your body pretty bad is what I took away from this book. It taught me to pay even closer attention to how I felt after eating everything that I ate. So, maybe what I thought was good for me was actually bad for ME. EVEN THE HEALTHY FOODS. I bought her cookbook and I have been using it for the past 6 weeks and I love it. I feel a lot better overall–even though the scale has only changed by 4 pounds.

Changes I’ve made since then and how I am okay with being 135 lbs now instead of 126 lbs like I was 6 months ago: 

>>I take Norwegian sea kelp, B12 complex and Flora supplements daily

>>I drink a detox warm tea daily (Yogi brand)

>>I Don’t obsess over “healthy” foods, I eat whatever makes me feel good after and gives me energy

>>I stopped body shaming myself, when I let my mind let go of those pounds I swear I dropped and kept off 4 of them-for me this was hard as I have been doing it since I was a little girl in second grade. My weight has been up and down and all around since then and now as I turn 35 I finally feel good in my body enough to let that all go and just be me, not a #

>>I started seeing myself as others do and listened to them when they told me I was beautiful and believing it 🙂

>>I realized that if I ate out I was definitely going to weigh more the next day (salt retention) and that felt good at least knowing why I weighed more-the panic was no longer there

>>I introduced more rice, chicken, carrots, turmeric, sunflower seeds and sunflower butter into my diet. Also lots more avocados, coconut milk and less almonds, eggs and ground turkey-the severe bloating stopped-everything regulated even though I still have 9 of those 13 pounds it may come off eventually or it may not and that’s ok

>>I started drinking only half my body weight and not more in water (including coffee and tea)-too much will make you weigh more and not enough will also make you weigh more

>>I realized that even walking and stretching everyday is enough. There is no perfect….you have to find what works for you in all situations-everyone is different not one size fits all

I started being okay with the BALANCE of it all and the fact that maybe my body is just changing.  When I weighed as low as 109 pounds 4 years ago I wasn’t balanced and when I weighed 118 pounds 3 years ago I also wasn’t truly happy or balanced…I realize now that I can weigh whatever number and as long as I am living a healthy, balanced happy life where I get to be a super mom, a nice friend, a generous girlfriend, a good sister, a loving daughter and strong woman….that is what matters. Obsessing over getting it all right and getting a totally flat tummy, the perfect figure and eating the cleanest foods isn’t going to make you happy and it definitely didn’t make me happy-IT MADE ME OBSESSED!! They are just numbers. Do not beat yourself up over them but do pay attention to your body and how it feels.

For me it’s just time to refocus and do things that make me feel good like helping others, moving my body and having fun with family and friends.

When your mind is happy your body will be too so I am taking the time to figure out what works for me now as my body is changing and I want you to stop OBSESSING too! You may not even realize you are doing it but if you are like me then just take a step back and look at the big picture. Your weight shouldn’t be the first thing you think of.

xoxoxo

A

March Mental Fitness Bucket Challenge

bucket challenge march 2015

Hi friends!!!

This month I want to challenge us in another way. A way that will work our hearts and our minds. Afterall, one of the biggest things I have learned over the past few years is that feelings and fitness go hand in hand! Keep up with your healthy and balanced eating, exercising your body and getting to know it better and better but if you can really focus on these four things this month I feel strongly that it will help you get mentally strong and stay in control…

Gratitude

Attitude

Forgiveness

Acceptance

I firmly believe you can manage anything with your mind and that is exactly what I need to do today and everyday. A strong mind that knows what it has been through and that can reflect and make sense of those feelings can do anything!

Something awesome happened the other morning when I wrote these four words down in my journal, I filled the entire page up in no time! I had so many thoughts in my heart and in my mind that needed to get out. They came out like a flood! I needed to put them somewhere! So, I put them in these buckets and it really helped!!! I want you to start a journal and every morning or night, or a few times per week, think about what you need to put in these buckets. You don’t have to tell anyone what they are. They are just for you. I will share some examples of mine though with you. If you do this you must be 100% honest with yourself. It feels so good to get the truth out and it will only make you a stronger, less stressed and more present person every single time you do it. Getting to know yourself better is the best!

Gratitude: name 3 things everyday you are thankful for-big or little, doesn’t matter! What are you happy about in your life? Who do you love? Who loves you today? Who can you help? How can you make a difference? What can you do? What makes you happy? For me one of them is most definitely cooking…that is my favorite hobby above all else so I make sure I am able to do this often!

Attitude: write down the ways you are acting. Are you being patient, kind, positive to yourself and others? If not then write down the truth and work on turning those negative behaviors around. It’s a gentle reminder to check your attitude and adjust accordingly daily.

Forgiveness: this is a huge one. Who do you need to forgive? Is it maybe yourself? Guilt has really been a driving factor as to why I came to this conclusion that I needed to do something to uncover the truth and move on. We must forgive others and mostly we all feel guilty for something in our past maybe…for me it’s divorce and Max, my son, having to be split up and shared. I carry a ton of guilt around because of that all day, every single day for over 5 years now. It’s so heavy! If I worry about Max and his feelings and want to place blame I have to put that in my forgiveness bucket and help him from this point, there is no turning back.  Some things are meant to be for sure but they are also hard to forgive and accept and that’s okay as we just need to work through them. Some of us have a past full of mistakes or what I like to now call experiments. There was a time in my life not even that long ago where I made one bad decision after another for almost 2 years and let myself be majorly taken advantage of. I have grown so much since then because I worked at it. I have to let the guilt go and forgive myself. It’s okay. There are no mistakes in life. We do things based on who we are at the time and then hopefully evolve and get closer to our ultimate happy truth. I am there now more than I have ever been because I am aware of my feelings and I process them. This is one way you can start to do that.

Acceptance: this is an even bigger one!! Ahhh, so many things to accept. For me it’s body image/controlling and obsessing over what I am eating. I honestly don’t even know what I truly look like because my view of myself is so blurry from years of my body changing. All the way back from when I was little and in grade school to present day. Feeling perfect, looking perfect, controlling what I eat, what Max eats and stopping myself from getting upset if things are not going perfect according to the “supposed to” ideas out there. From everything on how to raise a child, your love relationship, what we “should all be doing” in every aspect of life. I am really over that actually. Do what works for you and your family. We are all unique! Accept who you are now and who you were then, no matter what your situation is, accept it and chose to be happy and make the most of it now.

I really hope this month of keeping this bucket journal helps you uncover some hidden truths about yourself and maybe what you are covering up or holding onto. Visualize the buckets at different times of the day or when you need them>>>>put your thoughts into them. In the past week I have visualized these buckets around me and if something is bothering me in my mind I drop it into the appropriate bucket. It’s working! Just try forgiving and accepting yourself and others while living in gratitude with an awesome attitude! That is my goal and I really hope this helps you too!!  Wishing you the best always!! xo-Adrienne

Remember, I am just a human sharing my thoughts and ideas with you….not technically qualified to offer such advice 😉