Blessed

Feeling quite blessed over here nowadays. I’m having a baby! 19 weeks tomorrow and I wanted to write about this experience on my blog since I have shared so much other personal life experiences on here. It is time for my pregnancy blog. The baby has gone from a tiny poppy seed  to now the size of a mango, or a zesty zucchini or a throwback to the size of Nintendo game boy (says a nifty chart I found on Pinterest). So about 6 inches long and growing rapidly, constantly doubling in size! It’s truly a miracle what happens inside a woman’s body when they are pregnant. I realize it more and more with this pregnancy than I ever did with Max. My first pregnancy was basically 9 years ago. I was 28 when pregnant with him. I am 37 now. I feel in most ways younger and healthier than I did then. I wasn’t a very good eater or exerciser back then. I have had my moments, trust me, tired, emotional & moody but overall I feel great. I’m not scared and I am certainly not worried about all of those tiny details you do with your first. I am not even nervous about birth. Those are the things that are different. I am much more aware now that I have been through it I know it will just unfold and it will happen as God intends it to. And it will be completely amazing in every way.

pregnant 1

I am so glad that I found meditation right around the time I got pregnant actually. Just a few weeks before getting pregnant is when I started and I swear it helped me relax and get pregnant. It helped me through that 1st trimester when you are constantly worrying that the pregnancy will hold on and get through. In times of Max not sleeping through the night (not being able to figure out why and wanting to help him) when I desperately needed to sleep because I was so tired in early pregnancy. Not being able to go back with him for an x-ray or an MRI for his leg (once we figured out why) because of scans like that & babies in the belly don’t mix. Of course, all of this unfolding while I was still “secretly pregnant”. The point of this is that it helped me separate from Max and let him do these things on his own. Which is huge for us. I tend to baby him, hold on tight for dear life because I only see him 50% of the time. But this baby coming and him being older is all going to aid in me trusting him & letting go just a little. Funny how the timing of things unfold when you believe, like I do, in signs that the universe sends you exactly what you need when you need it. Maybe I need an 8-year difference in my kids? I don’t know but that is what is happening because that is how my life is unfolding and I trust that it’s just right. Perfect timing for me and my family.

I mean this kid is the definition of pure happiness. I learn so much from him! Sure, he gets sad or bothered from time to time but he is human. It’s part of the human experience to feel. Full leg cast in June-summertime-and he handled it amazingly. It has been such a joy to watch him react to me being pregnant. Shock and denial at first to naming the baby and putting his head to my belly and saying he can hear him or her in there and he can’t wait to teach the baby to be “awesome and handsome” just like him. It’s really that simple.

Max cast

Recently, my anxiety was at an all time high and I finally just broke. I was taking everything so seriously. Everything was so important to me. The smallest and the biggest things. I realized that I couldn’t keep going like this if I was going to be a great mom and wife. My blood pressure was rising. Things were happening around me that were out of my control and I wanted to control them so badly. I finally gave myself permission to stop caring essentially. It was a total relief and I can’t even explain how much of a weight has lifted. Trust me, I still care a lot about all of the things but at the rate I was going it was only leading to total devastation and I knew deep down I didn’t want that. So, one day, I told myself enough. And that was that. When other people tell you to relax and tell you don’t sweat the small stuff (*my mom since I was probably 16*) it’s just not the same. You have to hit the bottom and realize yourself how much useless pain and unhappiness you are causing yourself. Give it up. Come to the other side. It’s so chill here & everything is still okay.

I have been able to really let go of a lot of expectations and ideas on what life should be during these past 4 or 5 months. Going to therapy since November, not really regularly, but just once or twice a month has helped. I have learned so many things from Dr. E and have really been able to settle a lot of turmoil within myself as a result. So much of life is uncontrollable. Not just mine. Everyone has similar issues, worse issues. It’s how you deal daily that is going to make or break you for the amazing life that you deserve. That you deserved from the second you were born. All of us. All of us are so worthy from day one. Know that.

Deserve-what a word. I spent so much time thinking I didn’t deserve this baby. That I couldn’t or shouldn’t. My life is too messed up. How will I explain to this child that their brother isn’t here half the time? Explain to Max that this child gets to stay but he doesn’t. That their brother has a different dad. I just couldn’t even go there. I didn’t deserve it. I would only put pain and hardship on yet another human. I was unraveling and it wasn’t pretty. But then I realized that was all total BS (with the help of meditation & my therapist, family and friends). What matters to kids and to adults is happiness. Nothing else, not their so-called circumstances. Can you give them food, shelter and most of all LOVE? Then check mark, if this is something you want then you should do it. The rest truly doesn’t matter. It is not good or bad. It is nothing actually. Expectations are happiness killers and I no longer think that way. It was killing me. I finally got the courage to decide with Tim that this was something we really wanted so we started trying. When I took the test and saw the word “pregnant” all of those thoughts went away. I knew it was okay and it was going to be okay forever. We are about to bring more LOVE into this world and that cannot possibly be bad for anyone. Everything has felt aligned since then. The more I believe it the more it is true.

baby c 1st ultrasound

Baby C is coming and this is going to be an awesome new chapter for all of us and we are so excited! I am present. I am here living and enjoying this. I am not worried about the past or the future and it feels really good. Now, is the baby a boy or is the baby a girl? We will find out this Sunday with some surprise cupcakes with my parents. I am team healthy baby all the way but my intuition tells me there is a classic romantic boho chic, food & wellness loving little girl in there planning her outfits already 😉

xoxo,

Adrienne

 

10 Daily Defenses to Live Balanced

Before I started committing to meditating and to myself truly I realized that I would try but I didn’t have a true defense or a plan on how to achieve balance. I didn’t have the daily ways set up to make sure I would be okay.

Here are some of the things that I have been doing daily to ensure that I can combat the blues, the worry, the things in life that might stop me in my tracks from living a full & happy life:

  1. Stop & breathe purposefully throughout the day & especially in stressful situations
  2. Reading self-help books or books that help enlighten your mind or just for fun (less TV more reading)
  3. Meditate-2 times a day for 5 to 10 minutes each which helps you connect with yourself and feel peaceful and grateful
  4. Routine Sleep-8 hours from around the same time each night (11pm to 7am for me) and always think good thoughts before falling asleep so they can marinade in your sub-conscious all night
  5. Nutrition-smoothie with flaxseeds and smart choices with some fun indulgences (don’t stress out about and control strictly what you are eating)
  6. Movement of any kind for 20 min a day
  7. Connect with friends and family-talk on the phone or visit
  8. Sunshine-get outdoors if you can at least once a day even if the sun isn’t brightly shining
  9. Surround yourself with fresh flowers, plants or visual inspiration around the house or your workspace
  10. Cooking/baking or doing something creative that you like to do even just for a few minutes a day

I don’t do all of these every single day but I do most of them. They help keep me balanced. That is all I have been striving for, BALANCE. I am still working on it and always will be but now that I have a plan and some easy daily defenses to practice I am further along than ever before.

I hope some of these ideas help you to live a balanced life too! Come up with your own plan or build off of mine. Point is, have a plan and start practicing it!

xo,

Adrienne

thouhgtsrealdestiny

20/20/20 Movement & Meditation Challenge

You-are-enough

challenge

As many of you know I have started meditating and it is 100% changing my life! I thought it would be fun to do a little challenge involving moving our bodies and connecting with our minds. I know right away you are thinking you can’t meditate because that is literally what everyone says about it that hasn’t done it. I thought the same darn thing which is why it took me so long to finally try it. I am so glad that I did! I have without fail done some sort of meditation 1, 2 or 3 times a day since Feb 23rd of this year. I know that is less than a month but the fact that I have done it every single day says something.

It says that it works. That it is powerful and I am not having to force myself to do it. I want to do it because it is helping me feel so amazing and to feel connected! When have you ever heard someone say, “oh, I can’t believe I have to go meditate tonight”…..um never. So, trust me I really think you will benefit if you try this little 20-day challenge with me with movement & meditation together. Let’s start on Monday, March 20th, next week. I think this is going to work because of the 20/20 guideline. I will do the literal 20/20 split but if you are brand new to meditating then you can split it into a 5 min meditation in the morning, 30 minutes of movement at some point and finish with 5 more minutes of meditation at bedtime. Or try a 20 min walk, 10 minutes with weights and a 10-minute meditation. You get the point, break it up however you need to. Then as you get more comfortable with meditation you can do less movement and more meditation until you reach the balanced 20/20 split. Maybe by the end of the 20 days, you will feel comfortable spending 20 minutes connecting with your core being. That is my hope for all of you!

I have been so into meditating that I am not moving as much so this will work both ways. I will try to move more while you guys try something new in the meditating. Today I think I did a total of 40 or more minutes of meditating at two different times. This works and is basically a free miracle waiting for you to tap into. All you need to be happy is already inside of you. You just have to spend a little time devoted to accessing it. Everyone can benefit from meditating! All you have to do is stop and connect with yourself each & every day. You are so worth that and so much more! I have learned so much about myself, why I act a certain way in a particular situation, what triggers me, my relationship with my body and with food has changed. My self-esteem is up, I don’t fear or worry about certain things that I used to, I think more positively in general and most importantly I am able to let go of what doesn’t serve me. I am grateful for what my life looks like & how it got here. Thoughts can pass through me instead of taking up camp and staying inside of me, making feel and act certain ways. My boat cannot be rocked like it used to. Meditation gives you the strength to handle life like the rockstar that you really are!

I know on my facebook page I have been really enthusiastic about it so I shared a bunch of links to guided meditations that you can click on from there but I will list some here also. That is also the key to this. Beginners can really get started with this concept by listening to guided meditations. You lay down or sit with your eyes closed and listen to them guide you. You can do that! I promise!

Here are some links: This is Bex-she is one of my favorites to listen to

 

There are thousands of these on YouTube….you can search for what you need to focus on or just pick one randomly. It will be amazing!

I know we are all holding onto a lot that we don’t need to. I was especially. So much that wasn’t serving me, so much weighing me down mentally. I’ve decided that I am done with that. I feel so much better. So much more aware of what actually matters. I had tried to decide that in the past but I had no power, no defense to help me actually do it. That is what meditation is doing for me. It’s like I am wearing a coat of armor and nothing can shake me. I can outLove any of it. Problems will still come and go and still be there but you will be your own hero in every story.

I hope you will try this challenge because I see how powerful this is and would love if we as people struggled less and were able to love more. It starts with ourselves.

I will post a lot on facebook about the challenge included meditations and workouts so if you don’t follow me there consider doing that. You do not have to follow me, though, you can simply take this idea and make it and do it on your own privately. I cannot imagine a day without meditation in my life going forward. That is how strong this is. The real you is waiting! I know it!

xo, Adrienne

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